Thursday, March 30, 2006

WANTED: Experienced Choir Director

On his way back to Galilee, Jesus and his crew traveled through Samaria and stopped in a small village named Sychar. This village was a huge tourist stop because of a very famous well dug there many many many years before, by a man named Jacob. The quality of the water, from this well, was to be marveled upon. Jesus was a little tired from his travels and John needed to use the restroom, so they stopped near the famous site. The disciples walked over to check out the foodcourt, while Jesus went to relax near the well. About that time, one of the locals came over to draw some water. Jesus asked if she would pour him a glass while she was at it. The lady, with a look of sheer shock, looked Jesus right in the nose and reminded him that they were from "different sides of the track" and that it was a bit odd for them to even be speaking. Jesus went on to tell the lady about the "living water" that he had to offer her. Water supremely superior to this well's water. She smiled and giggled knowing full well that he didn't even have a bucket to draw with. The smile then turned to mild sarcasm. She inquired as to where he got off saying that His water was better than her water. With love and grace, Jesus explained further until which time He asked the lady to go and get her husband. With shame on her face, she explained that she had no husband. Jesus agreed, already forknowing this but wanting to see what she would say, and began to tell her about her own past. He then explained to her how much God loved her and how a time would come when different races of people would be able to worship together in all sorts of different places. She thought this sounded really cool but was still in a little shock at his ability to know her life story. Jesus finished up by telling her that God, the Father, is looking for true worshipers. Those of whom will worship Him in spirit and in truth. She smiled and nodded but didn't fully understand the magnitude of what Jesus was saying. Samaritans, at this time, were known only for their ignorance in matters relating to God, and not yet known for their kindness to the weak and suffering. About that time, the disciples returned from their shopping spree and noticed Jesus talking with this this this local girl. They were curious but chose not to ask any questions, as Jesus was always doing crazy stuff like that. The lady dropped her water jar and ran off to tell her girlfriends all about this really groovy dude she met at the well. The word spread quickly and people from all over the village started heading over to see this "Messiah Dude". Many of the villagers put their faith in Jesus that day and were no longer known for their ignorance in matters relating to God.
That's the news, and now the rest of the story...

While Jesus was speaking with the young lady from Samaria, an Angelic Host of musicians glided down from above on wings of fire. Their leader, a young guy, new to the position, his predecessor arrested and sentenced to life in prison for criminal treason, mutiny and impersonating God. This new worship leader, still wet around the wings, was anxious to impress Jesus with his ability to coordinate music suitable for "the moment". Upon hearing the band tuning up, Jesus and the Samaritan girl stopped talking to listen to the band. And this is what they played:

Jesus was not amused. An ad was placed in the "Angelic Classifieds" that evening.

I'm Saul Harvey...Good Day!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Seventh Inning Stretch

In the beginning, it was really really really dark. Moving around would have been extremely difficult, some might say impossible. That is unless of course you were an evolutionary creature in which case the laws of truth did not apply to you anyhow. Being the engineer that God is, he devised a seven-fold plan to eliminate the dreadful nothingness. After completing his rough draft, God took his idea to the board. Since all of the board memebers were of the same mind, the plans were quickly agreed upon and a construction date was confirmed. Here is a brief summary of the seven-fold plan:

Day 1: Begin construction of Corporate Headquarters & Satellite Testing Facility. Begin construction of generators & lights. Obtain patents on all creations. Result- Good

Day 2: Begin construction of "Temporarily Suspended Water Canopy" to be reserved for later use (disciplinary downsizing of middle level management team). Begin construction of aviary. Result- Good

Day 3: Begin construction of solid platform and water tanks. Landscape solid platform. Result- Good

Day 4: Power up running lights and mood lights. Result- Good

Day 5: Stock water tanks and aviary. Result- Good

Day 6: Begin production of animals & release onto solid platform. Begin production of middle level management team. Result- Good

Day 7: Corporate Holiday mandates that everyone abstain from work with the exception of food service workers, who may continue to work in order to provide holiday meals for middle level management.

The construction efforts were a success and the holiday celebration that followed was not to be forgotten...ever.
That's the news. And now the rest of the story...

Around the middle of the sixth day, with no management team yet available for instruction, a few of the animals in Sector 783C began to take things into their own hands. Starvation had led them to wander into a local cabbage patch where they ate until full, and perhaps a bit further. With hunger pains diminished, boredom began to set in. It was at this moment that the eldest of the three wanderers had a revelation:

I'm Saul Harvey...Good Day!